Showing posts with label announcements. Show all posts
Showing posts with label announcements. Show all posts

Saturday, 28 May 2016

Trumpety trump (nothing whatsoever to do with Donald Trump by the way)



Apologies for blowing my own trumpet thingy but I guess that's what this page is for! I got another couple of reviews of Once Bitten which were very nice! Here's the first from amazon.co.uk:

'Outrageously funny, mixed with moments of heartbreaking sadness. Nick has a wonderful way with words and gives a unique insight into the world of vets. This is not James Herriot, but a true look at the people behind the white coat.'

(you can see it and, y'know, if you're so inclined, buy the book here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Once-Bitten-adventures-misadventures-veterinary/dp/153310624X)


and here's the next from amazon.com:


'LOVED THIS BOOK - And especially loved the author's personal opinions and advice at the end. There is a tendency to treat the topics of dog breeding and rescue/rehoming as though they are complicated when in reality it is extremely simple. I highly recommend this book.'


http://www.amazon.com/Once-Bitten-adventures-misadventures-veterinary/dp/153310624X



There's a very sweet one on Goodreads too but it has spoilers so I'll refrain from sharing here. Thank you! It means a lot that a very personal book has connected with people. I generally want ot make people laugh, but I have cried a fair few times in the job, so if people are crying too I suppose I am doing what I set out to do!

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30170977-once-bitten


Thanks you and I hope the rest of you are enjoying :)

Sunday, 15 May 2016

Bitten again


Yes, I am talking about my book again! Please forgive me. There's more blogs coming soon at the Vet Times - I'll link to them soon.

In the mean time, my new novel Once Bitten is officially out today! Available as a paperback and an eBook on Amazon, you can find the links to it on my dedicated Once Bitten page here: er... here



Also, I wanted to share the first review of it with you, as further enticement!
'There is something irresistible about a book that comes from the heart, and that's what this is. A real pleasure to read from start to finish. Made me laugh so hard I spat my morning coffee all over my kindle, then not long afterwards it had me crying my eyes out. Please take off your rosey coloured spectacles though, and be prepared if you are a pet owner to take a good look at yourself...Nick Marsh has a way of getting you thinking about the animals around us, be they pets, wildlife or farm animals, in terms of their well-being first and our emotional baggage second. Highly recommended! Hope there are more to come.' Amazon reviewer
 If you do go on and buy it, reviews on Goodreads and Amazon are always appreciated, and may bring a pretty smile to my face. Unless they're horrible.

Have a wonderful day!

Nick

Monday, 9 May 2016

Once Bitten

It's an exciting day at Marsh Towers - the proofreading copy for my new novel, Once Bitten, is here!


I am very pleased with the cover design (courtesy of Jim McNulty of JMC Design and Motion Ltd), and it's been far too long since I had a book out. Release is imminent (within a week) and so in celebration, and as it's hard to share champagne on the internet, here's a sneak preview of the prologue. I hope you enjoy!


Prologue: Indestructible Alien Mercenary

When I was a child, my parents were intense holidaymakers. Not for them package flights to the Algarve or the Costa del Sol; no, they didn’t feel a holiday was worthwhile unless it involved a tremendous amount of planning and work. They would spend months scrutinising maps of northern Europe, patiently plotting points, measuring distances and noting places of interest and fuel way-stations. Entering our kitchen in the weeks leading up to a summer holiday was like walking into Fighter Command during the Battle of Britain.
                My parents were both teachers, and they were determined to make the best of our long summer holidays, which meant that the trips usually lasted three and sometimes four weeks – an eternity when I was ten. Large sections of my childhood holiday memories consist of the image of the back of my dad’s seat rest in our old Nissan Bluebird, which I watched while I wondered how much farther we had to go to reach the next marked spot on my parents' much pored-over map.
                The monotony of these long trips was occasionally leavened by my parents pulling into a lay-by beside the autobahn and swearing over that map whilst my nan, my brother and I quietly drank orange juice from pre-packed cartons[1]. These diversions were the exception rather than the rule, though, and for the rest of the time it was good to have something to occupy my mind - something to read. Therefore, my personal preparations for these epic holidays involved meticulously choosing which books I was going to take for the journey.
                I must have been at a particularly impressionable age during the holiday that stands out in my mind because I packed two books that had such an impact upon me that they affected the
entire future trajectory of my life.
                The first book was called Deathwing over Veynaa, by Douglas Hill, and it was about an indestructible alien mercenary from the planet Moros.
                The second was Every Living Thing, by James Herriot.
                When I’d finished them, I knew that was it for me. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my time on Earth.
                Unfortunately, I soon discovered that it’s incredibly difficult to actually become an indestructible alien mercenary, so I settled on trying to become a vet instead.

*

                The Legionnaires of Moros were mercenaries, but they were ethical - they never joined a fight that wasn't morally right, and they never did it just for the money. Their quest was to make the galaxy a better place, one job at a time. Back on my Earth, there were a disappointing lack of alien battalions to fight, but I felt I could still serve my galaxy with honour. If James Herriot had made me want to be a veterinary surgeon, the Legions of Moros had made me want to do it right. Which is why, fifteen years later, when I stood in a marquee in a field at the Langford Veterinary School in Bristol University, dressed in black robes and reciting the oath of the veterinary surgeon, every word of it came straight from my soul:
                ‘I promise above all that I will pursue the work of my profession with uprightness of conduct, and that my constant endeavor will be to ensure the welfare of the animals committed to my care.’
                In that marquee at Langford, I stood up to speak the words as an apprentice, but I sat down as a legionnaire. The oath was my own Quest. I was going to make the galaxy better, one animal at a time.
                Like many brave heroes, those around me sometimes doubted me. Was I sure? they asked. Was I cut out for it? I wasn't the world's most outgoing person - I was shy and nerdy. It was a hard job. Wasn't I more suited for a job in administration, or I.T., or academia? I remember one melancholy trip to the pub with an old school friend who kept saying, 'Two years, mate. I give it two years before you're worn down, and you quit.'               
                This is the story of those two years. It's the story of the oath, and my quest, and the journey that it took me on.




[1] I know they meant well, but the taste of warm cardboardy orange juice slurped down in autobahn lay-bys was enough to put me off drinking it for fifteen years.

Monday, 7 September 2015

That is not dead which can eternal lie...

The blog is not dead, only sleeping! The reason for the quiet here is that I've been commissioned to write blogs twice monthly for the Vet Times, as and the subject matter is very similar to the sort of things I normally pop here, my usual posts have died down.

I am still posting, though - you can find all my Vet Times blogs here! They're still just as funny/annoying/tedious as before, only now I'm getting paid for them. I may see if I can sell them some of this old rope I have lying around too...

Thanks for visiting, though! There's still plenty to see here. How about taking a look at my books - my humorous (well, I thought so, anyway) veterinary/science fiction novels Soul Purpose and Past Tense, my epic fantasy novel The Ancients, or my thrilling Orient-Express-based horror novel, The Express Diaries. Mmm, 1920's terror! The best kind.

If you're still bored or still have more lunch to eat, here's a list of my personal favorite blog posts (your opinion may vary, of course - feel free to comment, I'm still here!).

Dog #86324 - not a cheery one, but the most honest writing I have done, about euthanasia
Lingua Medica - my favourite informative post, detangling medical terminology
The Mutt's Nuts - this consultation still makes me shudder
Geri - a lament for my beloved lurcher, Geri
Breeding Difficulties - home truths about what it means to breed pedigree animals
A Disease of Economic Importance - the foot and mouth disease crisis of 2001

There are plenty more, so feel free to explore - just please remember to wash your hands afterwards. See you in the Vet Times ;)

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

ENnie-thing goes!

Hello blog readers/spambots/ghosts in the machine

This a quick (and rather excited) post merely to mention that my book, The Express Diaries, is up for an ENnie award - so, yay, go Paul, Eric and me!

If you've read the book and enjoyed it, please consider nipping over to the voting booth and voting for us - it's in the RPG related category - and, not that I'm trying to influence your voting or anything, but '1' is for first choice etc.

Thanks for reading! New proper blog post to appear here soon, I promise. Unless you don't vote for us, I which case I'll throw my laptop out of the window in a huff. Yes, you.

Nick :)

Monday, 18 March 2013

Soul Purpose and Past Tense

Greetings, dreamweavers, and welcome to the dark recesses of my brain, guaranteed to fear you up badly (and in case that wasn't obvious, that was a small homage to the great Garth Marenghi) and the reason I bring up Romford's greatest son is because this little post is about two of my babies.

The rights of my first two novels, Soul Purpose and Past Tense, recently reverted back to me, having been published by Immanion Press for 6 years or so. I've been having a read over my oldies, and have performed a little routine cosmetic surgery on some of the more badly-aged paragraphs (hard to believe there was no such thing as an iPhone when I scribbled down Soul Purpose; Dark times, my friend, dark times).

I was always proud of these two - the 'Conduit' novels - stories of an unhappy vet who accidentally becomes a link between our world and the spirit world. I was also very pleased to realise that I'm a much happier vet now than I was back then. It must be the catharsis of all this blog writing. Well, that or the wine.

Anyway, after some deliberation, I've decided to release their slightly nipped and tucked forms onto the Amazon Kindle web store, where I hope they'll be very happy. The only tiny issue is that I'm effectively starting again from the customer review point of view, so if you've read them before I'd really appreciate a review on the new versions - sales of books on the kindle store are strongly review-driven, as people don't have a lot else to go on. I think you may need to have bought the new version of the book to do it, so if you're willing to re-write your review let me know, and I'll gift you a copy through amazon.

If you haven't read them before, bear in mind they are now to be found at a greatly reduced price, and I still get the same amount in royalties as I ever did - which certainly helps with the wine acquisition.

If you're interested, I'd advise you to wait a few weeks before purchasing, because I'm planning have a free book giveaway of Soul Purpose in two or three weeks. If you absolutely can't wait that long (and who amongst us could blame you?) then feel free to pop 'em on your kindlebox immediately.

Many thanks, pilgrims.

Nick

Soul Purpose is here on Amazon UK and here on Amazon US
and Past Tense is here on Amazon UK and here on Amazon US

Thursday, 23 August 2012

Approaching the station...

All right, I admit it, I'm running out of train-based puns for blog titles for The Express Diaries. I've still got 'off the rails' up my sleeve, but I'm hoping I don't have to use that one, to be honest. Anyway, it shouldn't be a problem, as this is a quick post to say that my latest novel, The Express Diaries, is at the printers. We've just signed off on the completed cover - want a peek? No? Tough, here it is.

Isn't it pretty? I'm so pleased with Eric's cover art. But enough ego-boosting for the artist, how about some for the poor writer, eh?

Well, as it happens, the Express Diaries has juts had it's first review over at Horrorzine, and it is, if I may use the vernacular, amazeballs.
(Am I using that word right? I feel I'm not using it right. Also, I've learned recently it really doesn't travel across the Atlantic very well. Don't worry, it's not in the book).



The review is from Dr. Kevin Hillman, and contains probably the nicest quote I've ever had in a review, which is...


Aww. I'd better not read it again in case my head gets any bigger. Sadly it came in just a few days to late to plaster all over the cover in dayglo pink, which would have naturally have been my first choice. But don't take my word for it - head over to Horrorzine to have a peek at the full review. 

The Express Diaries can be pre-ordered from the 1st September from Innsmouth House, and we're expecting a release date of late September/early October. There'll also be an electronic version available on Amazon for all you cheapska... er... technophiles our there.

Right, that's enough from me for the time being. Veterinary blog to follow soon, I promise!

Sunday, 13 May 2012

Fundtastic!

Hi all

This is a brief and rather humble post (I know, normal service will be resumed shortly!) to say thank you to everyone who has funded The Express Diaries - we've reached our target in under a week, so my new novel will definitely see the light of day!

There's still some exciting rewards available for funders - see over at www.indiegogo.com/expressdiaries - but I really just wanted to say thank you all. You're all lovely. Especially you - yes, you, there.

I've been rather busy of late with promotions (which  I'm sure my twitter followers will be heartily sick of by now) and work, but I haven't forgotten about the blog - I'm hoping to do a little piece about home visits some time in the next week.

Until then - thank you! You're all, as I'm sure Stephen Fry would say if he were here, enormous buckets of loveliness.

As a reward, here's a rather excellent trailer that YSDC made for the book :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xU_ZUAlsT6E

Friday, 13 April 2012

All Aboard!

All aboard! All aboard the Orient Express!


Yes, it's officially my least imaginative blog title ever (and it's up against some pretty stiff competition, believe me)

This is a quick post to mention that my new novel, The Express Diaries, has now been officially announced over at www.yog-sothoth.com.

The Express Diaries is a pulp horror adventure set aboard Europe's most famous train, as our intrepid heroes race across the continent to try and thwart a twisted cult from fulfilling their evil plans (mwah hah hah!)

I've done a few teasers about the novel already - you can read a few sample sections here and here. The book itself is going to be funded one of them-thar new fangled fundraiser things. This is good for us, because it ensures the book will be paid for before we publish it - and what's more it's great for you, because there are some pretty exciting rewards up for grabs if you want to help out - such as being written or drawn into the novel yourself, signed copies of the artwork and book, and much more!

The fundraiser has now started - pop over and have a look at the exciting offers available! So, I hope you'll join me as we go full steam ahead on our train ride into adventure and darkness. Let's hope it doesn't go off the rails...


(What a line, eh? Garth Marenghi would have been proud of that one!)

Thursday, 22 March 2012

The 99p Challenge!

Ahh, - the 99p Challenge. A fondly remembered radio 4 show from back in the days when Simon Pegg wasn't immensely famous. And also, coincidentally - and for a limited time only - the new price of my fantasy eBook, the Ancients!

That's right - don't waste your money on a couple of Snickers bars (although they will forever be Marathon bars to me) or a litre of organic milk, when you can get a whole full length fantasy eBook instead. The Ancients is crunchy, nutritious, free of additives is ONLY ONE CALORIE! What more could you ask?

For the Kindle-types amongst you, The Ancients can be procured from your friendly local amazon store, amazon.co.uk. If you are lucky enough to live in the US (at least, for the purposes of this offer) then you can get the Ancients for the EVEN CHEAPER price of $0.99! (I've no idea what your chocolate bars cost over there though, but I can say from bitter experience of attempting to eat a Reece's Pieces bar that confectionary does not translate well across the Atlantic)

If you have a different eReader, or for some reason you like reading your eBooks in a different format every day, head over to smashwords, where your $0.99 will get you 8 different file types - including ePub, PDF and .doc, as well as being available for online reading.

So, don't delay! Join the 99p revolution - the challenge is simple! Merely click on the link, part with the teeny tiny amount of money, and enjoy your new eBook.

(Also, track down the 99p Challenge and listen to it - it's very good)

(PLEASE NOTE - YOU'VE MISSED IT NOW, SORRY. It's back up to £1.99 - but don't let that stop you!)

Monday, 19 March 2012

The Express Diaries - 2

With a clattering of iron wheels, a sinister plume of smoke, and a slightly-less sinister chuff-chuffing noise, The Express Diaries edges closer to it's terrifying final destination - your brain! 

And so, it's time to tease you a little more with a few glimpses into my new novel. They say a picture paints a thousand words - so here's a whole short-story's worth from Eric's easel...

Ms. Grace Murphy - young spinster, secretary to Betty Sunderland, and good friends with Violet Davenport



*****


"Within ten minutes we found ourselves standing in a quaint, cobbled courtyard, outside an old, glass-fronted shop. The window was filled with all manner of stuffed animals, and a weathered sign hanging above the door proclaimed

‘Wellington Fils
Taxidermie
50, Rue St. Etienne’

 Extract from the diary of Mrs Betty Sunderland


*****


‘But...how on earth are we supposed to find...’ Violet began, but at that moment we heard a great clanking of gears from somewhere above us. Looking up, we saw a campanile, some five stories up, and as we watched a pair of figures jerked in to view in front of the great clock face. A winged angel, sword in hand, and cloaked, hooded Death, holding his scythe, stood before each other. They began a slow, mechanical battle, whilst the chimes for six o’clock pealed across the courtyard. After a brief struggle, the angel retreated. It appeared that Death was victorious.
            ‘Where is more likely to be struck by lightning,’ I suggested, ‘than a clock tower?’
Extract from Milos Valinchek's journal
*****

And finally... another excerpt from the diaries themselves, where our intrepid party discover the tragedy that has struck an old friend...

Colonel Neville Goodenough’s Personal Notes, Saturday, October 24th 1925

The cab drove away as I walked towards the door of the bedsit where our friend’s card suggested we would find him.  As the others watched, I knocked on the door, not at all sure what to expect.
            I admit that I was surprised after a few moments the door opened an inch or so, and Beddows peered out into the street, blinking in the grey light of the day.
            Now Beddows is a man fastidious in nature, and respected around town as one of the finest manservants a fellow could ask for. I have never seen him anything other than immaculately turned out, so to see the gaunt, dishevelled figure blink nervously at us without a hint of relief came as almost as much a shock to me as anything I saw in the trenches. I heard Betty and Violet gasp behind me, but he paid them no attention.
            ‘You came,’ he said, flatly, leaving the door open just a crack. He seemed to be waiting for something.
            ‘Now look here, Beddows,’ I said, stepping into the doorway, ‘I understand you’ve had some trouble, but we need to know if your master is inside. Are you going to leave us on the doorway like travelling salesmen?’
            This shook Beddows out of whatever spell had possessed him. He mumbled an apology, and opened the door. Ignoring our questions, and our coats, he ushered us down a short hall into a small room, whereupon the cause of the poor man’s discomfiture became sadly apparent.
            It was a tiny bedroom, grimy and dank. The drapes were pulled closed, shutting out what grey light would otherwise have filtered in from the street outside. As we shuffled into the room, our eyes becoming accustomed to the gloom within, we became aware of a dark figure lying on the bed. As we entered, the figure started, and emitted a peculiar noise, somewhere between a whine and a rasp, which immediately made me think of the field hospitals, and the poor devils who had been gassed by the Hun.
            We crowded around the bed, all eyes upon the figure. The poor man was covered by a thin white sheet to protect his dignity, but sadly there remained little of it left to protect.
            ‘Julius?’ Betty whispered, unbelieving. It was, indeed, difficult to recognise the poor wretch before us as our avuncular host of the previous evening. His hair and famous moustache were gone, as were his eyebrows. The skin of his face and arms was blackened and cracked, except for several large red and weeping sores. One of his eyes was glazed and white, and the other one flitted from one to the other of us, never resting in one place for long. The room stank of smoke and blood. Horrified, it was on my mind to grab Beddows and demand why he had not brought the professor immediately to a hospital, when Julius lifted one of his arms and laid a blackened claw upon Betty’s hand. He smiled, then winced in pain.            ‘My friends,’ he said, in a voice that was barely a whisper, making us crowd around the bed to hear him. ‘Thank God you have come.’
            Written down, Smith’s speech appears clear and rational, but be aware that in reality this was punctuated by numerous coughs, pauses and sighs. Often his voice faded into incoherence and several times he was silent for so long that we feared he had passed into unconsciousness. Despite this, he managed to talk for several minutes, and though his speech made little sense to me, and must surely have been coloured by delirium, I will try and lay down in these notes as sensible a version of his words as I can piece together from his broken voice and my own poor memory.
            ‘I cannot bear to talk for long. Please, for a moment, listen to me, and I shall try and explain how I came to this sorry state.
            ‘You are aware, of course, that I have been on the trail of the Sedefkar Simulacrum – at first, as an archaeological curiosity. Lately, however, I have come to realise it is something much more – a source of great power.
            ‘At the end of the Eighteenth Century it was taken apart and scattered. I initially planned to retrieve the pieces for the museum in the University of Vienna - but now I realise this was arrogant folly. The thing must be destroyed!’
            Betty began to ask Julius a question, but he held up his hand and was overcome by a fit of coughing. Beddows held a handkerchief to his mouth as he did so, and it came away stained with blood and some black substance.
            ‘Last night, as we returned to our home, Beddows and I were attacked by Turkish madmen. I know little of them, save that I believe they seek the Simulacrum themselves, for their own dark purposes. We barricaded ourselves indoors, so they tried to burn us alive. Fortunately, Beddows found a way out. Not before I...’
            He gestured helplessly to his crippled form, and his voice faded into silence. His one good eye looked around the room, and his voice was even hoarser than before when he continued.
            ‘To have come to such a place! To have fallen so far!’
            Betty laid her hand over his to comfort him, but he winced and drew it back from her, though he tried to smile.
            ‘I am afraid, my friends, to come out of hiding. They would stop at nothing, these men!’ He glanced across to his manservant. ‘Beddows has a plan to escape, but the less we speak of it, the better.’
            ‘Most of my notes were destroyed in the fire, or else taken by the Turks, but I managed to rescue something – the summaries of my researches. The Turks will know as well now.’
            He paused, his one eye staring at the ceiling, as if building courage for his next statement.
            ‘And so, my friends,’ he said, looking back at each one of us in turn, ‘It falls to me to pass this burden to someone other than myself. I dare not ask, yet I hope that you will take it for me. The statue must be recovered and destroyed before these men find it.’
            He suddenly sat up in the bed, his eyes wide and staring. ‘I cannot show you what I have seen! You cannot know what I know!’ he cried out. ‘I only hope, and pray....you must trust me! The statue must be destroyed!’
            Such strenuous effort had a grave effect upon him, and he fell back to the bed, exhausted. He began muttering under his breath, and it seemed was no longer aware that we were present.
            ‘I am sorry. For them, for me. For all of us. I am the lucky one. I may be spared. I am sorry. So sorry.’
            He voice failed, and his consciousness soon afterwards. His breathing slowed, but did not stop. I think all of us were relieved to see him asleep, and so temporarily released from his agonies. We looked at each other in shock, and then to Beddows, who stood quietly in the corner.
            ‘He is delirious,’ Alfonse said, sadly, ‘to be taken in by such a fairy story. I am sorry for him.’
            I nodded. Betty frowned, but it was Beddows who replied.
            ‘My master is not insane, sir – at least, he did not imagine the attack on the house last night! I saw them with my own eyes.’
            Alfonse fell silent, pondering. Beddows’s eyes met Betty’s, as she seemed the most sympathetic in the room.
            ‘Please consider my master’s words, Madam. He asked me to give you these.’
            He handed Betty a few pieces of paper covered in Julius’s cramped handwriting.
            Grace and Violet were looking at each other, each with a sceptical expression mirrored on the other’s face. Beddows was not slow to see it.
            ‘I do not know if my master speaks truly,’ he said, glancing at the figure in the bed. Julius’s mouth twitched in his sleep and a fearful expression crossed the manservant’s brow as he must have remembered the night of terror the two of them had just experienced. ‘I can only tell you that he believes it to be so. He thinks this statue is of great importance, and he is a far wiser man than I am. I cannot tell you what to do, but who amongst you would refuse the wish of a dying man?’
            The words ‘dying man’ echoed around the small room. Although it had not been spoken of before, it was obvious that Julius did not have much time remaining.
            ‘Please,’ Beddows said, his eyes on Julius’s sleeping form. ‘Read the notes. Consider his words.’
            Betty folded the notes carefully in half, and placed them in her bag. She laid her hand gently upon Beddows’s arm. He jumped, as if struck, but did not remove it. She looked into his eyes.
            ‘What will you do?’ she asked.
            ‘As the professor said,’ Beddows replied, ‘I have...I have an escape plan. There is someone who can...care for him. But I dare not speak of it. Please.’ He broke Betty’s gaze. Not since the war have I seen anyone look so lost, alone and afraid.
            Betty nodded, and turned to the rest of us. ‘We should go,’ she said. It didn’t seem right, leaving a wounded man behind, but there was little else we could do at this point. Both Julius and his manservant had requested we leave them alone now, and they did, as they said, have some sort of plan.
            Betty began to study Julius’s notes on the cab ride back from that dreadful room. I have a horrible feeling that she is taking his mad fantasy seriously.

Sunday, 26 February 2012

Pedigree Dogs Exposed - 3 Years On



Just a quick heads up that in the UK on Monday, at 9pm, BBC4 will be showing a follow-up documentary to the 2009 'Pedigree Dogs Exposed'. I have pretty strong feelings about the suffering caused by dog breeders (you can read some of my thoughts in my recent post, Breeds Apart) - and I can still remember sitting and watching the original programme with my wife. We were both overjoyed - not by the content, which was pretty horrible - but because someone was finally saying the things that we had wanted to say for years.

I think it's no exaggeration to say that the documentary, and the fact that BBC has stopped showing the horror show that is Crufts every year, helped dramatically to help the public understand why some vets (sadly not all of them) are constantly harping on about this. It used to be that when I told people that a 'pedigree' was a potted history of inbreeding, and that a crossbreed (can I still say 'mongrel'? Some people take offense, but I quite like the word, and the connotations of a scruffy, loyal mutt with one ear up and one ear down.) is (genetically speaking) a far healthier specimen, whatever the Idiots (sorry, sorry, I meant to say 'Kennel Club'. I don't know why that keeps happening) may tell you.

I'm overjoyed that attitudes are changing, but there's still a lot to be done. I'm aware there are many terrible things happening in the world, many of which seem more important that this. But I've seen first-hand the misery that inbreeding causes, so please, don't buy a pedigree dog. Then I can start going on about this, and find something else to get on my high horse about.

Monday, 2 January 2012

January blues - no problem!

For you, my friends, the war is over. Well, okay, not the war, but the offer where you could get my new eBook, the Ancients, for free, is over, but that's got less of a poetic ring to it.

Do not collapse into a pit of woe, however, for I bring good tidings! The Ancients is still available at the low price of £1.50/$2/12 triganic pus, available from  amazon.co.uk or amazon.com.

What, that's still not enough to keep the black dog from your door? Okay, how about this?



You can download the entire first half of Soul Purpose COMPLETELY FREE from smashwords.com - a modern SF/veterinary story, and the first part of the conduit sequence, written in a style much closer to my Blogging voice (which may or may not be a good thing for you to hear).

This is a permanent offer, so if you missed the January 3rd Ancients spectacular then I'd advise you console yourself with a lovely 50% of a novel. Enjoy!



The original offer text is below, for...well, for no good reason, really, other than to show you how generous I was once upon a time.




******



January is a depressing month, isn't it? The dogs have eaten the last mouldy bits of turkey, you've already played with the most exciting presents, and are down to that woolly hat and scarf from your auntie, and the house looks very bare without all those decorations. No wonder the papers are always repeating that spurious PR story that 'this day is officially the most grey, dismal and depressing day of the year'.

How could anyone possibly remain sane in such dark days? How?

By a free book giveaway, that's how!



That's right, for tomorrow only, my new eBook is available COMPLETELY FREE from amazon! You can spend that £1.53 you've saved on a nice warming cup of coffee instead, or even a mulled wine (oh, except that we're not allowed to drink that any more, are we? Never mind. Mulled wine is one of those drinks where the idea of it is nicer than the drink itself. Like those fruit teas that smell orgasmic but taste like sour lemsip).

So, on the 3rd of January, hightail down to your local amazon.co.uk or amazon.com, and pick up your copy of The Ancients absolutely free! You'd be craaaaaazy to miss it, and other such cliches!
(the offer lasts from 12 midnight January 3rd 2012 to 11.59pm Pacific Standard Time - this is GMT -8 hours (so from 8am Jan 3rd to 7.59am Jan 4th GMT). (The more astute amongst you may have realised that this date is now IN THE PAST. I'm sorry to say that unless you're Doctor Who you've missed the offer now. This offer remains here only for the interests of historians and time travellers)

Grab it quick while stocks last! (Except that stocks are effectively infinite so, y'know, you'll probably be okay). I'll be setting up a discussion group on Goodreads.com for anyone who wants to chat about it.


Thursday, 22 December 2011

We need to talk

Okay, blog, it's time to be honest. I know I haven't spent much time with you lately. I've taken you for granted, I know. Things have been crazy, I've been writing, I've been doing my certificate, and you just...well, you were always there, in the background. I just never found the time. And now I know we've grown apart. It's not you, blog, it's me. I just...I guess I felt you were holding me back, and I wanted to be free.

Can you forgive me, blog? I'm so sorry I haven't been around for you, but I can change, I promise!

There, I said it. I haven't written any blogs since...since May? And even that was a cheat, 'cos it was just an essay (if you're interest, I passed my 'A' unit for my CertAVP! Yay! Only B and C to go know...the ones where you have to know stuff, rather than waffle. Oh dear).

This blog started as a semi-anonymous musing from myself to vent my spleen about veterinary life. Turns out, my spleen didn't need quite so much venting as I thought. Perhaps it has it's own air-conditioning system? In any case, internal organs aside, the blog was really meant to be a veterinary-only chat about the work side of my life. The problem is, getting home from work and then writing about it has recently seemed about as welcome as watching a three-hour marathon of Animal ER - I just wanted a bit of a break from the work, rather than go on about it. Consequently, I'd got into the bad habit of only blogging when I was depressed or annoyed about something - and although I'm happy about all my blog posts, there's no denying the recent ones have had something of the black dog about them!

In the spirit of 'if you haven't got anything nice to say, then don't say anything', I took a bit of a break from blogging, to concentrate on my writing - which has worked very well, and I've got loads done. But I have missed blogging, and I'd like to get back to it - with a few changes.

I'm going to broaden out the scope of my blog! It's no longer just about veterinary life, you lucky people! I want to use my blog as a bit of a pimping point, to bling up my writing career though, innit (I think that's how people talk nowadays, anyway. Rofl.)

Brits are not generally very good at selling themselves or their work (well...actually, a lot of them are, but I'm using that as an excuse for why I'm not very good at it. I wouldn't do well on the Apprentice, anyway - though I must admit I'm still mystified as why Alan Sugar is regarded as some kind of business God when his products have been, and I'm trying to be generous here, almost uniformly second-rate) but from now on this blog is going to have a smattering (and hopefully just a smattering) of talk about my literary career, and possibly even the odd geeky post (though I'll try and keep these to a minimum as t'internet is littered with the blighters). I'm still going to keep blogging about veterinary life too, so don't/do despair, and though I'll try to keep them a bit more upbeat I'm not going to shy away from the less cheery aspects of the job, either.

So, there we are, blog? Our relationship has changed, but I think we can make it work.

Can you forgive me? I'll give you my last Rolo if you do...

Happy Christmas one and all! As something of a reward/punishment, I've done a whole two other blog posts today as well! They might provide a few moments blessed relief from the terrible Christmas telly!

Have a good one, and I'll see you all in the New Year

The Ancients eBook now available

I'll be the first to admit, that isn't the most subtle, clever, or punny of my blog titles. It's my way of flagging up that this post is largely one big (well, medium-sized) advert for my new book, The Ancients, which I am now going to attempt to sell to you - and if that makes you angry, feel free to screw this blog up, eat it, or flush it down the toilet.

(I should point out that this really only applies if you've printed the blog out, and are currently reading it on paper, because doing any of the above to you laptop/desktop/tablet/smartphone would likely invalidate your warranty, not to mention possibly cause internal bleeding)

And, if you have printed this blog out, then, like, what gives? Get with the program, daddy-o! All the cool stuff nowadays is made of electric - it's like all our dreams from the eighties have come true! Music, games, books - all of them are now essentially made of nothing! It's only a matter of time before E-food catches on. The point is - E-books are where it's at, man. Innit.

Which brings me to (I'd started to forget the point of this blog entry) my new book - The Ancients, now available as an eBook at the Amazon Kindle store.

The Ancients is a rollocking (that's a great word, isn't it? It's like swearing only without actually swearing! I'm going to say it again. Rollocking. Heehee.)

(Oh. I've just looked up rollocking in the online dictionary, and it turns out it doesn't mean quite what I thought it meant. Sigh. Okay, let's try again.)

The Ancients is a rip-roaring (better?) fantasy tale of betrayal, mystery, romance, war, kings and assassins. It starts with a young, embittered knight returning from a civil war that his ripped his country asunder. Here's a little excerpt to wet your collective whistles...

As he turned his face back to the road something in the darkness caught
his eye; a patch of light amidst the unrelenting black, lying by the side of the
road. It was impossible to make out any detail. He nearly ignored it. The last
thing he wanted was another delay, to have to spend all night in this accursed
weather, but something made him stop and look again. A smear of white, fuzzy
in the rain. Something was familiar about the shape. He approached it and as
he did so felt a peculiar feeling of having done this before - walking towards a
lonely shape in the rain. He tensed with expectation and dread, although he
didn’t know why. A brief image of the elven child flashed into his mind. Dazlar
ignored it, as he had learned to over the last few months, and reached the
shape, which finally became visible through the onslaught of water. He sighed.
So close to his home, must he be plagued here as well?

A body lay face down in the mud just off the road - a pathetic, crumpled
figure wearing scraps of soaked peasant clothing, silent and unmoving. Dazlar
rushed forwards and turned the body over, feeling the chill of the skin and
knowing even before he pressed his fingers into the neck that he would find no
lifebeat. He was right.
The corpse was that of a young woman with short, mousy brown hair
and a thin, pinched face. Dazlar suspected the girl had been starving for a time
before she came to this sad end. Her limbs had not stiffened yet but the skin
was cold. She couldn’t have been dead long. He sighed again and rubbed his
eyes with the back of his hand. He had seen so much death in the years he had
been away, but to find it now, almost on his doorstep, made the homecoming
even worse than the rain and wind had done. He looked down at the girl again,
searching for any sign of injury, any clue as to why she lay here. He could see
no blood around, no obvious wounds on her. It seemed as if she had collapsed
as she walked - or more likely thrown from her mount, the way she way been
lying when Dazlar had found her. She was not dressed for riding, though,
horse or drake. What to do now? Dazlar couldn't simply leave her here, not like
this. Burying her was not a prospect that he wanted to think about with the
weather the way it was. He really didn't have much choice, so close to Oldmeet.
He knelt down beside the body and with a grunt of effort hoisted her onto his
shoulders. The body was surprisingly light, despite the rain-sodden clothes.
Wondering if his homecoming could possibly get any worse, Dazlar stepped

back onto the road, such that it was, and continued towards the village he
hadn’t seen for three years.


A few miles down the road, Dazlar is picked up by a smelly, unpleasant farmer, Glanvic. After the sort of stilted conversation that normally occurs at parties where everyone is sober, Glanvic makes a surprising discovery...

The two sat silent for a time as the big shire pulled the wagon on
through the night. Then the small man broke the silence.
‘I'm Glanvic, by the way. Glanvic ap Glanver. I'd shake yer hand but...’
he grinned and wiggled his body to indicate he needed both his hands on the
reins.
‘Pleased to meet you.’ Dazlar said, not entirely truthfully. ‘So, how do
you come to be out on a night like this?’
‘Hah!’ said Glanvic, ‘Wouldn't believe it! I've 'ad worse bloody luck
tonight than the sodding Orc Empire, I ‘ave.’ He flashed his brown teeth at
Dazlar again. ‘I'm on my way into Oldmeet for the market tomorrow.’
‘Ah, yes,’ Dazlar said. Of course, there was always the market. It seemed
strange, but reassuring. The country was in chaos, ripped apart by civil war,
but they still held the weekly market in Oldmeet. Dazlar had been half
expecting everything to have changed. Perhaps it was because the homecoming
was turning out so differently than he had imagined. He took it as a good omen
that some things were still the same as they had always been.
‘Yeah,’ said Glanvic. ‘I'm a pig farmer, see.’ Dazlar nodded. He had
guessed as much from the smell. ‘Farm's a few miles from 'ere. Normally only
takes an hour or so to get in, only this bugger 'ere,’ he gestured one arm to the
shire driving the wagon, ‘only goes and throws a bloody shoe a mile into the
trip!’ He paused for the drama of this to sink in.
‘Oh dear,’ Dazlar said politely.
‘Oh bloody dear is right, my son!’ said Glanvic. Dazlar was hit with a
waft of Glanvic's breath, which was even worse than his general body odour.
He leaned back a little. ‘A bloody hour it took me to sort that out, and if that
wasn't enough a mile after that the wagon only bloody...’
Dazlar never found out what had happened next on Glanvic's ill-fated
journey. The pig farmer had stopped mid-flow and turned to look at the back of
the wagon. Dazlar had turned too. A loud spluttering noise was coming from
the covered section. Glanvic narrowed his eyes and brought the wagon to a
halt. He turned and his front half disappeared through the covered flap. When
he emerged he stared suspiciously at Dazlar.
‘I thought you said that girl was dead!’ Glanvic said, the tone of his voice
changed, accusing. ‘She's breathing!’


Ooh! Mysterious! What could possibly happen next?

All this and more can be yours for less than the price of a Starbucks Coffee! (probably...I haven't actually checked the coffee prices. Must be cheaper than of those frozen ones with raspberry juice poured on them, anyway - you need a mortgage to get one of those babies.)

The first few chapters can be read online at amazon, so why not hightail it to your local ebook store, if for no other reason than to check out the lovely cover designed by Eric Smith.

Amazon UK version here - The Ancients at Amazon.co.uk

Amazon US version here - The Ancients at Amazon.com

Thank you for listening! Normal blog service now resumed.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Just a quickie...

...to promise that I have neither forgotten about nor given up on the blog, I've just got a few things going on in real life at the moment so I'm unlikely to make any posts during November. This may (or, more probably) may not be terrible news to you, but just think of my next post as a little Christmas present, just for you.

As a slight update to my last post, I suggested to a client that she needed to start putting a litter tray in the house try and reduce the bouts of cystitis her cat continually suffers from. Her response? 'My husband will divorce me if I put any litter trays down.'

Ooookaay. (Maybe he's just looking for an excuse, any excuse.)

Oh...one last thing. (That was my best Columbo impression? Did you like it? Please yourselves.) I generally keep this blog just for veterinary news, but on a slight side-issue and as a blatant plug, I submitted the (hopefully) final draft of my new novel Past Tense to my publisher today, and all being well should be out early next year. My first book, Soul Purpose, will very shortly be available as an eBook at a very reasonable $5 (Currently available in paper format on Amazon at a slightly-less-reasonable £13.99)

(NEWSFLASH! Soul Purpose is available at the excellent Smashwords site, for less than the price of Carp Fishing Monthly - how could you resist? Go on, give it a try! Your friends will love you (especially if I'm one of your friends :) )

View SOUL PURPOSE at Smashwords here

Right, plug over! Blog over! Back to real life! (I'll do a proper one in December I promise!)