You see, unlike many of our overseas colleagues, veterinary surgeons in the UK have long languished under tedious titles of Mrs, Miss or Mr. Not only do these titles call upon people to make a snap judgement on whether we're married or not, they simply don't sound quite as sexy as 'Doctor'. If anything, they make us sound more sinister - 'Mr Kildare' just sounds creepy, doesn't it?
There are those in my profession that will try to tell you that the vanilla title is right and proper. Human surgeons are known by them, after all - it's something of a badge of honour for them to go from Dr to Mr, in fact, and is a right granted them by the Royal College of Surgeons.
'Well,' say the misguided (and slightly less cool) vets of the UK, 'we're surgeons too, aren't we? So we should be Mr or Mrs too!'
Well, I disagree. For one thing, human surgeons undergo a metric craptonne more training than veterinary surgeons do - years and years more, in fact - so if they want to call themselves Mrs, I think they're quite entitled to. Secondly, as vets, we never got called 'Doctor' at any stage of our training, so it doesn't feel so much like a promotion as a, uh, nothing at all. Thirdly, I think I'd be more on board with it if surgeons had an entirely different title again, something like... I don't know. Powerman/woman? That would work. I could cope with being Powerman Marsh. (Pwn. Marsh - except if you're familiar with internet l33tspeak, that does sound a little like I just got my ass handed to me in an online game. I'll keep thinking).
Anyway, this particular powerman has strayed from the point a little. A couple of months ago, the RCVS - the august body that oversees veterinary surgeons in the UK - decided that vets are now entitled to use the title 'Doctor' - with a couple of caveats.
Firstly, when we use it in full we should add 'MRCVS' after our name, to signify that we are members of the Royal College, and not actually licensed to poke about inside another human being (well, not with surgical instruments, at least). Secondly, it is a courtesy title - it's up to us whether we use it or not.
When I heard about the news, this last point threw me into a dilemma. Was it really that important, I wondered, to be called a doctor? Is it something we deserve?
My point about training above wasn't just true of surgeons. It's a fallacy that it takes longer to train as a vet than as a doctor. The veterinary degree takes five years, just as the medical degree does, but then medical doctors have at least another two years of on-the-job training before they are fully qualified. Vets are just thrown in at the deep end, though the RCVS is considering changing this too.
In my career, occasionally a client would start a consultation with a 'Well, what it is, doc, is that...,'. Even on the rare occasions when I would point out that this title wasn't one that I had been granted, I would do it with a bashful grin (and possibly even come-to-bed eyes) that indicated I was not at all unhappy on being accidentally promoted, and it always gave me a little thrill.
But still. Doctor. I have been a veterinary surgeon for fifteen years, and a change in my title wouldn't change my experience, or my skills, or my simple honest-to-goodness dashing good looks. A courtesy title. If I actually changed it, would it just make me appear vain? Would my colleagues consider me so? Would there be two tiers of vets now? Ones that were secure in their own skills, and ones that needed something more? A veterinary surgeon, by any other name, would still smell of anal glands and hibiscrub, after all. This was a decision that required careful, considered thought.
Thirty microseconds later, I was logging in to the website of the RCVS, and ticking a box on my profile that indicated now, and forever more, I would be known as 'Doctor Nick Marsh MRCVS.'
Such decisions come at a cost. Households have been split on the issue. My wife, for instance, remains plain old Mrs Marsh - although this has less to do with any high-minded ethical stance, and more to do with the fact that she has forgotten her login details for the website.
As for myself, I find I am much the same person - with one added bonus. Thank you, The Simpsons. You have made me a very happy man.
Doctor Nick Marsh, MRCVS